Saturday, November 28, 2009

Leggo My Eggo Or I'll Plunge My Keys Into Your Eye Socket!


A newspaper is reporting that Kellog's has announced that the popular breakfast waffle Eggo will be in short supply in early 2010 and won't be readily available until mid 2010.  The reasoning behind the shortage, know one really knows, Kellog's is citing factory difficulties, as if that is a suitable answer.  Other people, however, have begun exploring alternate realities to this catastrophic dilemma such as:  CORPORATE GREED! PUBLICITY! GLOBAL WARMING!  If only Vice President Al Gore had known that Global Warming would affect Americans intake of Eggo Waffles he may have not only captured the attention of the entire country, but been able to offer infallible evidence to the validity of Global Warming being an immediate threat to the survival of the human race and somehow prevented this calamity from occurring.  Damn you SUV drivers, you have brought this pain upon us all.  Now, it seems, it is to late.  Soon, people will forget the flavor of syrup and only be satisfied by the insatiable taste for blood. The Mayans were incorrect in their prediction that the world will come to an end in 2012, but rather the final year of the race of man is 2010, and the spark that will ignite the powder keg that is the inevitable human demise will be the heart stopping noise of a toaster popping after 2 minutes and 10 seconds of heating nothing but old crumbs and air thick with murderous tension at the lack of a well balanced breakfast.

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